Tag Archives: humorous

Release Promotion–Ione’s Dilemma

Now here’s my entry in the “Grandma’s Wedding Quilts” series. I set this story in my “Dorado, Texas” world so many of the secondary characters are known to my readers. But that won’t stop your enjoyment–the story stands on its own merit.

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When Ione Forrester calls off her wedding, she becomes the social pariah of Des Moines. Much to her society parents’ chagrin. To escape the gossip, Ione accepts a teaching job in Dorado, Texas, vowing to avoid scandal at all costs. Relocating from a doctor’s household with cook and maids to a room in a boarding house is quite an adjustment. Then she has to face her biggest challenge—a schoolhouse full of students.

Carpenter Morgan Shipley’s business is doing well and now he’s looking for companionship. An ad for a mail-order bride brings a deluge of letters, which prove more than he can handle. To his surprise, an intriguing woman from a big city arrives in his small Texas town. Correspondence is nothing like interacting with a flesh-and-blood woman every day. But gossip-leery Ione wants nothing to do with Morgan’s attempts at courting, which makes him try even harder.

Amazon buy link  SPECIAL 99cents today (price will rise to regular $2.99 after release day)

EXCERPT

Morgan tracked the woman’s progress around the backs of the occupied chairs to the empty one to Penn’s right. He noticed everyone else watched her movements, as well. Strangers in this small town were always objects of speculation—like he’d engaged in hours earlier. Lowering to his seat, he again forced himself to look away to avoid appearing rude.

“Ivey, will you announce tonight’s menu?” Missus Treadwell unfolded her napkin then started serving big spoonfuls onto plates and passing them.

As she pointed to the meat platter, Ivey grinned. “The main course is a ragout of pork with mushrooms, wild onions, and turnips.” She gestured toward other bowls. “Mashed potatoes with chopped garlic and parsley, pickled beets and artichoke hearts, buttered corn, and rolls.” She removed the cover from the closest bowl and scooped a spoonful of potatoes onto the plate before handing it to her left. “As is probably obvious, I’m the cook here at the boardinghouse.”

“Berg Spengler, town blacksmith.” The bear of a man ducked his head as he passed the plate.

“I’m Maisie Treadwell, and I’m the maid.” The woman with honey-blonde hair served a portion of beets and handed the plate top the next person, quickly repeating the gesture with the next one.

“I hope the potatoes don’t have too much garlic.” A dark-haired boarder giggled. “I have to work tonight.” She added a serving of cut corn and passed the plate. “Oh, I’m Olivia Domingo, and I am a barmaid at the Golden Door.”

Morgan glanced across the table in time to see the new woman’s eyes shoot wide and her backbone straighten before she passed the plate to Penn.

Then she pulled her expression back to neutral. “My turn, I suppose.” The stranger leaned forward and gave a little wave.

Ah, she speaks. Morgan savored the sweet sound of her voice.

“My name is Ione Forrester, and I have been hired to be Dorado’s new schoolteacher.”

“Welcome to Dorado, Miss Forrester. We’re glad you’ve joined us.” The rapid words spewed from his mouth before Morgan gave them any thought. Which made him look like an awkward schoolboy.

GIVEAWAY

Anyone leaving a comment here or on my post on the Sweet American Sweethearts blog today will have a chance at winning an e-copy of Wandering Home, the first novella in the Dorado, Texas series.

Character Interview from Sarah and the Double Wedding Woes

How about you introduce yourself by providing the basics?

Sarah, Where were you raised?

I was brought to life in The Heavenlies by the Eternal Father. I stayed close to home until my first mission to Earth. Texas is the first place I’ve visited, and leaving heaven scared the willies out of me. I still get scared at times, but all you humans are nice people and I like you.

Family members?

I have no immediate relatives, but everyone in The Heavenlies is family.

Did you attend college?

Yes. I attended Angel School. The classes were difficult, but I managed to graduate. I still have a lot to learn, but my mentor, Mother Goodness is patient. She continues to give me grades on my behavior. After each mission, the Commander reviews me. He’s kind with his critique. The Father gives the Commander words of wisdom, and I’m grateful for both of them.

Are you athletic?

Are you kidding? No! I’m constantly falling down. I love red stilettos and see ladies stroll easily in them, but not me. I fly barefoot and slide off roofs when I land on them. Ugh. Earth has a hard surface. I’m accustomed to fluffy clouds.

What’s your favorite participation sport?

I suppose I’d have to say baseball, but I don’t understand the game. Gay N. Lewis, the lady who writes about me, wrote about one of my experiences at Minute Maid Park in Houston. I’d gone there to foster a relationship between Bonnie and William. They made strange comments.

Here’s the way Gay wrote about my experience. This excerpt is from Sarah and the Double Wedding Woes.

“After the National Anthem, the game started. A player threw a ball to a man crouched on the ground while another guy stood nearby with a stick on his shoulder. A hunched dude dressed in navy blue stuck a hand in the air and yelled, “Ball!”

A big fellow two aisles down from Bonnie and William stood up and shook his fist. “You stupid umpire, are you blind?”

What? Did they let blind men judge players’ actions on the field? And why did the man in the dark uniform yell ‘ball’? Wasn’t that the name of the game and the reason people came to this place? Surely they all recognized a ball when they saw one. Seriously? These humans shouted the strangest things.

William leaned toward Bonnie. “That pitcher can’t hit a barn, the way he is throwing tonight.”

“Huh?” Sarah voiced the word aloud, but no one noticed. Why would William want the guy to hit a barn? None were even in sight. No cows, horses or other animals roamed about either.

“Stay alive out there. This guy can hit.” A man screamed from behind her.

Sarah shook her head, puzzled. No one lay dead on the grass below and none of God’s death angels hovered above. All the players appeared healthy. Good grief! People thought she spoke in odd phrases. Had they ever considered some of the things they said?”

See what I mean? Baseball is difficult for me to learn. It contains strange jargon.

What do you like most about (your profession)?

I love helping men and women find relationships with each other. I also enjoy learning how humans live. I terrify myself with goof ups down here, but I don’t want to stop coming. Even though I’m insecure and clueless, I laugh at myself for the silly things I do.

What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to you?

I’m in the middle of a crazy time right now. On missions to earth, I must create human disguises. My favorite foods are cheeseburgers, fries, and chocolate malts, but my metabolism is of a heavenly nature, and weight is never an issue. At the moment, in order to help a young woman, I’ve added fifty pounds to my frame and I’m eating small portions of rabbit food. My assignment is to help Valerie transform Valerie with a magical makeover. I’m starving. This is difficult. I’ve resorted to sneaking food.  I’m also to teach her to wear makeup and dress. Merciful heavens! I make a bad choice with human female attire when I must call forth a masquerade. Goodness! My wardrobe consists of white muslin robes.  Now, I ask you, how can I do this crazy thing? Teach someone to do something I don’t know how to do?

Sarah and the Double Wedding Woes cover

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A double wedding? Was it possible?

The Superiors want Jessica and Robert to marry, but they throw in a twist–while seeing to their wedding, Sarah, Heaven’s Little Love Angel, must also find a mate for Bonnie, Jessica’s mom. Her orders are to bring about the two weddings simultaneously.

Can Sarah pull it off? Or will her clumsiness destroy two romances in one shot?

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GayNLewisA native Texan, Gay lives in a small town west of Houston.  She loves to travel and engage in artistic ventures.  Two videos she produced —The Canadian Rockies, English and Japanese translations, and Psalms from the Mountains, sold well in international markets.  Graphic skills kept her busy as a portrait photographer, and for over ten years, she used her imaginative insight in the interior design field.

Gay loves travel, writing, and reading.  As a pastor’s wife, she writes Faith Features for various church periodicals.  Her current series is about a dyslexic angel who comes to earth to help humans, but Sarah, the angel, is more like Lucy Ricardo with humorous antics and bumbles.

For more information, please go to http ://gaynlewis.com/

Read excerpts on www.prismbookgroup.com

Gay would love to have you see her video trailers and become a follower of her blog.

http://www.gaynlewis.blogspot.com

https://www.amazon.com/author/gaynlewis
www.facebook.com/GayNLewis and also on Twitter @GayNLewis2.

Sarah has her own Facebook page. Follow Sarah on Facebook@ Sarah Wingspand

What are readers saying about the Sarah series?

“…well-written and entertaining…” Amazon Reviewer

“Sarah, with all her antics is just adorable…”  Amazon Reviewer

“It’s a joyful read and appeals to all ages and personalities. Makes a wonderful gift too!” Amazon Reviewer

Guest Promo–The Wedding Yarn by Lindsey Paley

The Wedding yarn

Tying the Knot is a Competition of Choices

Would you invite the whole country to your wedding? Well, that’s exactly what Lilac Verbois and Finn Marchant have decided to do. But their idea to launch seven individual competitions for the design of the wedding gown, the bridal flowers, the catering, the choir and band music as well as the wedding cake and artwork means multiple migraines for their for their hassled wedding Planner, Tish, but the opportunity of a lifetime for Callie-Louise Henshaw, couture fashion designer and all round textile and seed pearl princess.

That is until her design fails to make the final seven in The Wedding Gown Competition and she finds herself without a job or the safety net of her family.

Celebrities, couture dresses, rock bands and French patisserie – it’s enough to make a girl run screaming to the wedding cupcakes for a dose of restorative buttercream. After all, tying the knot is a competition of choices, but which one will win?

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Excerpt:

“Step away from the dress! I mean it Jules. If you even come one step closer with that skinny latte I’ll be forced to shoot you with my staple gun. What’s possessed you to bring coffee in here, anyway? You know how obsessed Christie is about the design studio being a sterile area!” Callie’s horrified eyes flashed with irritation as she extricated a bunch of dressmaking pins from the corner of her lips.

“Relax. Christie’s in Dubai.”

“That’s not the point. You know how precious this gown is. It’s the culmination of six months frenzied hard work from conception to vision creation! Only these last few seed pearls to attach to the waistline and it’ll be ready for the couriers to collect this evening for its final journey to The Dorchester. You do remember the judging’s tomorrow morning, don’t you? We’re cutting it fine but Scarlet’s slaved like a Trojan. Even Flora has pitched in. If you spill even a drop of coffee,” Callie gulped down her annoyance at Jules cavalier attitude to the most important project of her life, “well, all of our dreams will be sacrificed!”

“Stop hyperventilating Callie, will you? It’s one of a number of unattractive traits you seem to have developed since your design was shortlisted in this ludicrous competition. Don’t worry – the wedding gown of the decade will be presented in pristine condition to the fairy princess, Miss Lilac Verbois, at The Dorchester tomorrow – with no errant coffee stains to mar its perfection.”

“Jules,” Callie sighed, “you know how much this competition means to Christie and to me, especially now we’ve been shortlisted to the last seven. And if our design wins – well, it will cement Christianna Couture as a celebrity haute couture boutique. You know she deserves it.”

“Yeh, and you too, Callie-Louise, as her trusty, loyal protégé, eh?”

Callie rolled her hazel eyes at Jules. “I’m not going to deny the fact that I would be overjoyed if my design was selected. To see such a glamorous actress in one of my creations – well, yes, it would be the pinnacle of everything I’ve worked for over the last six years. But not just for me – it’s a real team effort, Christie, Scarlet, Flora, Lizzie even you, Jules. If our design is chosen, Lilac Verbois will appear in our creation on the front cover of every glossy magazine in the country. Interest in Christianna Couture will rocket. Our order book will be packed out and that includes demand for your headpieces, fascinators and millinery designs, too. It’ll be a fantastic opportunity for you to showcase your talents to the fashion savvy. Look, I know it’s been difficult to get commissions this last year, but…”

“I don’t need your phoney words of sympathy, Callie. I’m doing just fine, thank you. My creative juices are flowing too, you know. I’m not just cheering from the side-lines of your starring role. If you don’t mind, I’ll remove my interfering frame and offending beverage from your royal presence before my knees buckled under the pressure of an audience with such majesty and I inadvertently dribble on your beloved gown.

“If you can spare the time in your illustrious schedule, maybe I’ll see you back at the apartment later?” Jules’ boldly drawn features contorted with child-like petulance as he retreated to the open wooden stairs of Callie’s basement studio, his taut buttocks clad in his favourite black D&G jeans.

Callie read the signs of his restrained aggravation – the tightness of his broad shoulders, the stiff angle of his neck. As usual, his presentation was immaculate. His hair, the colour of liquid coal, curled between the nape of his neck and the collar of his charcoal Paul Smith shirt, impeccably ironed by the lady at the local laundrette as Callie had neither the time nor inclination to meet his sartorial demands of perfection.

“Or maybe I’ll just spend my last evening in Leeds with people who recognise my talents and appreciate my company, as you obviously intend to remain here with your precious dress until the early hours. You know Callie, I still don’t get why we couldn’t have shot over to Dubai together for my two weeks’ leave, met up with Christie out there, regaled her with the benefit of our advice for her new boutique, shopped until we dropped, sunk some cocktails, partied until dawn. But oh no, little miss celebrity fashion designer here had to retain control of the wedding gown’s final delivery. Well, don’t rush home, darling.”

Jules’ parting shot rang in Callie’s ears like feedback from a malfunctioning microphone. She opened her mouth to retaliate but relented and squashed down her rising irritation. It would not ease his envy of her success by her reminding him that he had not yet paid her back for their jaunt to Barbados at Christmas so she was reluctant to splurge on another exotic trip.

She listened as his stacked heels clacked up the polished oak stairs, leaving in his wake a heavy cloud of Chanel Monsieur cologne in which he bathed daily. Her traitorous mind rewound its image reel to remind her how different Jules was from Theo, not only physically but in personality and nature; but then, wasn’t that exactly why she was dating him.

L Paley

Lindsey Paley grew up in Yorkshire. She relocated to the North East of England where she lives with her husband and young son and as many books as she can cram into the four corners of her spare bedroom.

She began her writing career over twenty years ago but that first novel – ‘Baringer Manor’ – remains in a cardboard box on top of the wardrobe. Her favourite writing place is a peppermint and white summerhouse (shed) also stuffed with books she can’t throw away.

An avid baker, with a willing family and neighbours as tasters, when she is not scrutinising her fellow human beings for ideas for her next novel, she is to be found perfecting her swing on the golf course – a hopelessly over-optimistic ambition.

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